F: This heirloom tomato looks weird.

S: In what way?

F: It’s like a butt.

I evaluate, and if it’s going to be wet I cancel it.

— F. on farts

Why would someone wanna hack off a dog’s testicles?

— F.

Explosions in the Sky + Tron + 2001 = Amazing music video from my favorite band, inspired by some of my favorite movies.  

pure gold from my hilarious husband